How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?

Book Description
I think constricting anus 100 times and denting navel 100 times in succession everyday is effective to good-bye depression and take back youth. You can do so at a boring meeting or in a subway. I have known 70-year-old man who has practiced it for 20 years. As a result, he has good complexion and has grown 20 years younger. His eyes sparkle. He is full of vigor, happiness and joy. He has neither complained nor born a grudge under any circumstance. Furthermore, he can make love three times in succession without drawing out.

In addition, he also can have burned a strong beautiful fire within his abdomen. It can burn out the dirty stickiness of his body, release his immaterial fiber or third attention which has been confined to his stickiness. Then, he can shoot out his immaterial fiber or third attention to an object, concentrate on it and attain happy lucky feeling through the success of concentration.

If you don't know concentration which gives you peculiar pleasure, your life looks like a hell.

This is quite possibly one of the funniest things I have ever seen.
Visit Amazon.com and read the reader-reviews.

I kid you not, I was in tears laughing for a near-solid hour!

I first found reference to it in a book I just finished reading to my wife called "I'm with Stupid"

Crose's in Texas

~Hey Ya'll~

We had a safe flight, and have been getting along great. Vacationing is good for the spirit! We're pickin up tha lingo real quick. Jess and I are having a blast here in Texas. Wanna hear something to eat your hearts out? You can buy 70+acres of land for $200k. You can't even get a 2bdrm condo in our area for that much! Geez. Today was our first full day in Texas. We're staying in my Aunt's house in Schertz, a town just outside of San Antonio. Here's some pics from our time so far! We miss you all!

*Special thanks to Mandy for shuttling us to Oakland airport! We appreciated that SO much!

Aunt Maria (whose house we're staying at) and Uncle KC from San Jose. And of course, my lovely wife!
Tim & Jess at the River-Walk. Where's Waldo?
Tim caught a green anole! It was eating flies on a garbage can... it changes colors from green to brown!
Tim tests his newly acquired motorcycle skills on a dirt-bike.

Home on the range... (don't worry, it's just a BB-gun)
:-)

Exemplified

"Carpe Diem" (as most commonly learned from The Dead Poets Society) is Latin for "Seize the Day"... and I am proud to claim it as a motto of mine since before it was made popular by the movie...

Anyways, I enjoy finding songs and such that reflect that sentiment. Here is my first tribute to CARPE DIEM: the song "Unwritten" by Natasha Beddingfield (repeat lyrics removed). If you like the lyrics, I also recommend her music video.

I am unwritten,
can't read my mind,
I'm undefined
I'm just beginning,
the pen's in my hand,
ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh I break tradition,
sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes,
but I can't live that way...

I love Anime

Ok, I'm not a complete fanatic, but I must admit that the story lines are much more involved and exciting than anything in the US. It's like watching an ongoing movie, but with cartoon protagonists instead of regular people (which by the way are very limited in what they can pull off!).
The following are some that I've really liked. I hope somebody out there will try to find them and watch them too!

Sidenote: don't bother watching dubbed anime. Only the captioned ones are usually any good.

Naruto - Ever feel like you've got an "inner demon" that you struggle with? Naruto does. Ninja's in action... pretty cool.

Scryed - Think "X-Men" from Japan. People are given special powers by some event that will probably destroy everyone...

Witch Hunter Robin - Feels like "X-Files" meets "CSI", only cooler because the protagonist is a chick who can light stuff on fire just by looking at it.

Vampire Hunter D - Ever wish you were a vampire with a talking hand? Excellently dark with superb animation. Two full length movies... Rent them at Blockbuster today! (the first is not as good as the second, but establishes the characters well)

Hellsing - Dracula's son spends his time killing zombies and wannabe vampires? Cool! Big guns and lots of demonic attitude. Hilarious.

Trigun - WildWest with really good gunslingers.

Full Metal Alchemist - don't play with chemicals. don't play with Ouji boards. don't play with Alchemy either because it can tear your arm off, send you into another dimension, and turn your friend into a robot.

Cowboy Bebop - Intergalactic bounty hunters with gambling addictions, a super-smart Welsh Corgi, and too much time on their hands. Think Han Solo + Brisco County Junior x Cool² = Cowboy Bebop.

A Wise Man Once Said...

"A rebuke impresses a man of discernment more than a hundred lashes a fool." ~Proverbs 17:10 "The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice."~Proverbs 12:15

It is funny to me how some people make a habit of learning things the hard way. It is actually rather sad to observe, because no matter how much caring people around X person try to warn, persuade, even force that person into making good choices... well, they proceed to do things the way that seems "right" to them. To everyone else this looks like pure lunacy.
Imagine you have a friend who is bored. We'll even call this friend "Tim" so that no one will accuse me of insinuations. Tim is bored and suggests that you guys try to break through a brick wall with your heads. This sounds pretty entertaining, but you don't feel like a headache at the moment, and so you politely decline. You even mention to Tim that banging one's head on walls is not all that fun anyways, and it kinda hurts even. You should know, you hit your head on a wall once on accident, and it was quite painful... imagine doing it intentionally! Ouch!

Well Tim, doesn't believe you and decides that he's going to do it anyways. He does. Unfortunately for Tim, the wall he chose was not brick, but pure Adamantium (the metal Wolverine's claws are made from), and it's a lot more dense. Tim suffers a severe concussion that causes a hemorrhage in his occipital lobe, leaving him blind. And on top of that, the owner of the wall saw the attack Tim made on his property and is suing Tim for "damages rendered."

Some people learn from the mistakes of others, and some people have to learn by making the mistakes themselves. We all cross the line at times... but which side are you walking lately?

Feeling Stubborn lately? Seeking any advice, or do you feel confident you know everything you need to at the moment? Think about it...

*The picture was "borrowed" from www.Despair.com and I highly recommend you visit it for more awesome Demotivators.

The State of the Union

My sentiments about the state of the union align fairly well with those voiced by Michael Franti, Incubus, and even Eminem... Check out these song lyrics...

Bomb the world (Armageddon version) Michael Franti

I don’t understand the whole reason why
you tellin’ us all that we need to unify
rally round the flag
and beat the drums of war
sing the same old songs
ya know we heard ‘em all before
you tellin’ me it’s unpatriotic
but I call it what I see it
when I see it’s idiotic
the tears of one mother
are the same as any other
drop food on the kids
while you’re murderin’ their fathers
but don’t bother to show it on CNN
brothers and sisters don’t believe them
it’s not a war against evil
it’s really just revenge
engaged on the poorest by the same rich men
fight terrorists wherever they be found
but why you not bombing Tim Mcveigh’s hometown
you can say what you want propaganda television
but all bombing is terrorism

(chorus)

we can chase down all our enemies
we can bring them to their knees
we can bomb the world to pieces
but we can’t bomb it into peace
whoa we may even find the solution
to hunger and disease
we can bomb the world to pieces
but we can’t bomb it into peace

911
fire in the skies
many people died
and no one even really knows why
they tellin’ lies of division and fear
we yelled and cried
no one listened for years
but like, “who put us here?”
and who’s responsible?
Well, there’s no debatin’
cause if they ask me I say
it’s big corporations
world trade organization
tri-lateral action
international sanctions, Satan
seems like it’ll be an endless price tag
of wars tremendous
and most disturbingly
the death toll is so horrendous
so I send this to those
who say they defend us
send us into harm’s way
we should all make a remembrance that
this is bigger than terrorism
blood is blood is blood and um
love is true vision
who will listen?

How many songs it takes for you to see
you can bomb the world to pieces
you can’t bomb it into peace

*If you are interested in hearing other songs along this same theme, search for "Megalomaniac" by Incubus, or "Mosh" by Eminem.

**I'm sure others of you out there have other great recommendations and I most definitely welcome them... and if your opinion is of a contrary position... well I welcome that too! PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT! Even better, OWN your comment and tell us who you are.

Friends at Arms

When I was 18 years old, I was contacted by recruiters from the Army, Navy, and Air Force. I could not get into any branches of the military because they couldn’t guarantee that I’d receive my medications… Funny how they only want to send healthy people to foreign countries to die... "We don't want to send any sick people to die for their country..." like I'd be a bad representation, a poor ambassador! What an insult. I'm no less brave or whatever...I'd like to think that I am a reasonably good strategist and leader... But nevermind. I am grateful that I will never have to face the horrors of war. I will likely never be put in a situation where I need to take another man's life.... the glory that the Armed-Forces markets on TV and Internet ads is mitigated by the reality of what it truly means to be at war...

I am consequently I am forced to live out my war-hero fantasies vicariously through my friends: Mike Gross, Ralph Seuss, Joseph Lewis (not pictured), and Patrick McQuaid (also not pictured).



Ralph is in the Army, Mike Gross is a Ranger, while Joe Lewis and Patrick McQuaid are both in the Navy. These men are all individually outstanding, and I love them as my brothers. I admire their talents and characters, and hope always for their safety and success. While I agree with neither the war nor the President, I absolutely believe that we all should support our Troops. Good Luck and God Bless!

Words ARE Power

Words are power.
Since words are used to communicate ideas, it would make sense to say that the more words one knows and understands, the more ideas one would be able to convey. With increasing complexity, one can refer to an increasingly complex and expansive range of concepts.

If you had a thought, but no way to express it... it would fade away. The more intricate the thought, the more difficult it would be to retain. Thus I conclude: the larger one's vocabulary, the more powerful one's thoughts... potentially. I still enjoy deviling in silliness and juvenile jokes (it's manchild in me, I guess).

As a child, my parents often encouraged me to play Boggle, Scrabble, and to read. I did. Now, I'm no better than anyone else, but I did have one other experience that helped me significantly: In preparation for the GRE's I studied the 1000 Most Important Words book, and the entire Princeton Review's Word Smart I, II, and Genius series, vocabulary building CD's. I was exposed to these resources through the McNair Scholars Program. Special thanks to Ray Shiraishi.

Althought I frequently reference Dictionary.com I'd like to make a statement of defense: Regarding the "Mental Heuristics" rap I wrote: all those words came straight from my working vocabulary; I consulted no thesaurus, dictionary, or other source. Sometimes I get into a riff where I think in rhymes. This time, I decided to write it down and organize it.

It was inspired by lyrical & creative geniuses like Matisyahu, Jason Mraz, Jeru The Damaja, and of course, Eminem. Ellen Robert ( Director of the McNair Scholars Program at Davis) would be ashamed of me...

Every human being learns a language (under normal circumstances), and that first language becomes their primary tool for communications both internal and external. We think and speak in words. They are symbolic utterances to which we designate an agreed upon meaning. Meanings must be shared in order for society to function.

Words are not the things they represent, but many people respond to them like they are. This concept means that saying the word "fart" is not the same as a fart actually occuring. Still many people make a fundamental judgment error by responding to the word as if it were the thing. This error can be observed by conducting this simple experiment:
1. Sit down at a table during a meal with women present. (The more uppity, old, or refined the better)
2. After everyone has started to eat, politely begin a conversation about flatulence, reguritation, dismemberment, or infanticide. My Uncle KC is a pro at this. His favorite opener is "The other day while I was taking a crap..." then he just lets it hang in the air for a while, and enjoys the ensuing response!

And finally we must all remember that just because you don't know a word, doesn't mean it that it isn't real. Spelling isn't everything. Focus on understanding the idea represented, and you will grow your lexicon! Heck, make up new words for your own unique ideas, and teach them to others!!!

This post was meant as a joking/loving response to some family critics. I love you. You know who you are... :-)

The Hunt is Over

Finally, the Hunt for a Job is over... for now...

Job hunting is exhausting. Perhaps my hunt was more of a rollercoaster than that of most because of our explicit need for Kaiser healthcare coverage. I have cystic fibrosis (sounds like: "sixty-five roses") and CFRD (cystic fibrosis related diabetes). My wife has bipolar disorder and endometriosis. Consistency in treatment and access to excellent healthcare professionals who're already familiar with our respective histories is absolutely invaluable to us.

This makes job hunting difficult because if I ask up front "does you company offer Kaiser?" then they think that I am some kind of freak (I kind of am) and that I will be unreliable on the job (I am not). So rather than shooting myself in the foot, right off the bat, my better course of action is to pursue any opportunity like there is no deal-breaker in my mind. This unfortunately results in my scheduling many exciting interviews that lead nowhere. A huge exercise in futility. I do not like to waste my time (in such ways!) nor theirs.

I was praying to get a job in town, with Kaiser, and a decent salary + commission. I had pretty much been told by everyone that these were near unobtainable criteria and that I would be darn lucky to land such a setup... That's where God comes in: I received an offer in San Ramon, for an outside sales position. The opinion of most was that I should jump on it because I needed to start making $$$ to pay bills, even though it was not what I had prayed for. On faith that God is in fact existent and that he is willing and able to answer specific prayers, I declined the offer. I had nothing else lined up when I made this decision.

Exactly 2 weeks later I landed an interview with a company that a brother from my church works at. After 3 interviews I finally received an offer: 10k greater than the other company's, with Kaiser, I have a friend already inside, they provide a local gym membership, it is 5minutes from home (walking distance!), and benefits start on the FIRST DAY!

~Proverbs 24:10 - If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength!~

Now, I don't want to mislead anybody to think that I was this totally faithful God-reliant person through this all. I was the opposite: I started off with much faith and prayer, but under pressure I completely neglected my relationship with God, and depended on my own strength, in order to devote myself to the hunt...

~2Timothy 2:13 - if we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself.~

These types of things are examples of how I understand and believe in God: I have better than normal "luck," as if I am being looked out for... So many "coincidences" have turned out according to prayer, and those that did not, often revealed themselves to be detrimental (had I gotten my request!).

I start my first day of work at WildPackets on March 20th. I am so excited!

Where you come from...

Where you come from
Is not where you're going

No one can tell by a face
What one's future is holding

Who you are today
Is not who you've been

A person changes without
As a person changes within

I was born in 1983 on March 2nd with Cystic Fibrosis, a terminal illness. My life and vision changed directions when I studied the bible and became a disciple at the age of 13. Against all odds, I stand before you today a 23 year old man: athletic, married, graduated from college, starting a career, determined, surrounded by friends and family, and as happy as I have ever been.

Mental Heuristics

Mental Heuristics
Mental heuristics: cognitive gymnastics
My mind is fantastic: I'll do a synaptic backflip
Lyrically acrobatic
Watch me flow like I'm spastic
Flexible like I'm elastic
I can even spit it backwards
"Show my to goes everyone"
Cuz I am known to bring the fun

And mnemonically a genius

Overcoming obstacles

Seeing through junk

While others need binoculars
Vocabulary Extraordinary
Like the concepts I carry
The Master of Brevity
I'll demonstrate very cleverly
and give you a taste
Leaving nothing to waste:

With a sporadic imagination
I breakup lifestyle stagnation...
Modus operandi?
Like a kid stealing candy
Take the most from each day
I cry: Carpe Diem!
And I'll fall supine if I ever see Him
Love life and my wife
Like there's no tomorrow
No regrets, the past is past
Abandon old sorrow!

Continuous on the move
You'll catch the beat
And feel the groove
Circumlocutory
if you know what I mean?
Dance around the drama
Cuz its all obscene

My paragrinations bring
Unexpected destinations
With no hesistation
I ignore temptations
Fight the fight while I'm still free

I believe in things I cannot see
And in a quick minute

You've just had
A Glimpse into ME.

The No Good, Very Bad Day...

I began my day by waking up at 5am so that I could go to San Jose for a 10am job interview. I get out the door at 6am but don't have time to read my bible or pray, let alone do a breating treatment (all part of my regular morning routine). I ate no breakfast. As soon as I got into my car, I some how broke off the belt-clip for my insulin pump... CRAP!

No time to go back up stairs, so I hit the road. The commute was remarkably uneventful (thankfully!) and I made it to my Uncle KC's house by 7am. I slept for an hour. Then I began going back through my emails and notes to make sure I have proper directions to be able to get to the interview on time... well the head hunter didn't include any address! So I call up and finally get the proper address with about an hour to spare, then I am out the door again... (still no breakfast)... and of course hit San Jose traffic. I swear LA's traffic is making its way North, because it was horrible. Mapquest said it should have been a 12 minute drive. It took 50 minutes! Nevertheless, I got to the interview with 10 minutes before we're scheduled to meet. I am calm, cool, collected, suited up, ready to go. I walk in only to find out that the guy wasn't even there! >:-x

Wow! He had an appointment in Sacramento at 8am, and he scheduled me in at San Jose for 10am?! He must be Superman or the Flash, because by my estimations he'd have to wrap up his 8 o'clock, then do an at-minimum 2 hour drive in order to get there at time... Faster than a Speeding Bullet? He better be! He planned to attempt this during morning rush hour.

So: I woke up early, moved my 9-6 shift to a 1-10pm, made the long commute, crashed at my uncle's, and fought traffic, only to get to San Jose and then be stood up?! Okay... could be worse...

Well I get the feeling that this company I really want to work for may be "testing my deterimation" by not returning my calls and attempts to setup a second interview. The first went well, but for almost an entire week after I had been unable to schedule the next step. So after my interview, I call and tell them that "hey, I really want to work with you guys, but I need to know if you're still considering me, because I am going to other interviews, and can't hold out forever."

They call me back and ask if I could come in today to meet with the VP because after 11am the VP was going to leave for a week and a half. Geez! Well, I could if I hadn't wasted my time going to San Jose!

So after all that I end up going to work. I work hard, then come home for "lunch" around 6pm. My wife is just getting home from an appointment of hers, and she begins to tell me how her day was going...

My Wife's Day (written by her): Everything has been going so well until today. I've generally been in better moods, so I'm nicer and more fun to be around. My husband and I have been getting along great. Then today. To begin with, I was alone this morning because Tim had to leave super early for this interview in San Jose. So I HATE being here alone. Got to work, but hit pretty much every light red. When I got up to my desk, I noticed that I had dribbled some of my dark-colored lip gloss onto the kacki pants I was wearing today. When I started working on a file that I had begun working on yesterday, I kept finding so many things out of order and in the wrong places, so I basically had to just start all over. And it's only 11:00am. Then the receptionist calls me and asks me to cover her for lunch at 12. I just about started to cry then because I get too overwhelmed and stressed out trying to transfer more than one call at a time!

My boss walked by and noticed that I was not doing well. She said that I could go home, but then reminded me that if I don't work the full 30 hours this week, I will lose my medical benefits. I did cry. Then she said that she would talk to the receptionist and tell her that I don't do the phones. So that's good. But then I hit every red light coming home from work for lunch! That means that I really only had about 15 minutes to prepare and eat my lunch befor having to fly back to work. I get back after lunch to discover that yet another case that I'm working on was messed up, so I had to start IT all over. Geez!! Okay, so then in the middle of this one of the secretaries comes to give me this copy/mail job. There were over 1000 copies made by the time I had finished, which left me no time to re-do the case from after lunch. Oh! And as I was refilling the paper on the copy machine, my hand slipped and two of my nails just broke in half! Ouch! I've got a bandaid on my middle finger because the nail broke so far down that I'm afraid to cut it off! Well, then I went to therapy after work and that went well. So I was wondering what to do tonight because Tim's working till 10pm. I called my mom to see if I could hang out with her, but she said no because her and my dad are going away this weekend so she has to do laundry and pack. : ( That made me sad. But I made it home just in time to see Tim getting ready to head back to work after finishing his 'lunch' break. Tim and I were starting to talk when we heard yelling and screaming in the hallway outside of our door. Ahhh!! So we listened for about a minute and then we heard pushing. I dialed 911 and Tim went out to see if it was safe.

This woman, our neighbor two doors down, is standing out in the hallway and Tim goes into her apartment to talk to the guy. I'm out in front of her door (it's her apartment) talking to her while waiting for the sherif. She's telling me that she let this kid (21-22 yrs old) stay with her sometimes, but she was getting upset that he wasn't holding up his load, so she asked him to leave. He persistantly kept telling her that he wouldn't leave. Then she threw his stuff outside their door and that's when Tim and I started hearing the yelling. Turns out, he also pulled out one of her kitchen knives and threatened to KILL her!! So I take her downstairs while Tim's still trying to keep this guy under control, knowing that the cops are coming. The cops came and they took the kid. I went back to my apartment and Tim headed back to work. Whew!! I'm alone now. I think I'll go get ready for bed, so when he does come home, we can go right to sleep.

My Day again:
Well I get back to work only to be accosted by another tweaker lady. She is throwing a fit in the upstairs section of our job... and of course I am the one sent to confront her. Needless to say I heroically pacified the beastess... but I can't help but recall the strange occurance of taking on two aggressive drugged out situations in a single day...

My wife concluded and I concurred:
We can't believe that we got all that down. It really was a pretty sucky day. But oddly, neither of us feel very mad. Mostly just tired and probably sad. But maybe there is humor in all of this. I mean, how often does everything go wrong all in one day? Oh well. At least this crazy day is just about over. Thanks for 'listening.'

Oh, and some good did come: I was able to meet the VP by catching her 5 minutes before she left the building so that she could at least meet me... and this was a good move, because I was subsequently able to setup a shadow-shift day for Wednesday 02/22/06! Woohoo! Also, I was able to clean the house a bit to encourage my wife when she got home for lunch (and it worked). Also, I was miraculously supplied with energy all day. I believe it was because I prayed often (not long, but frequent) all day long. Praise God for sustaining us on days we need it most!

Snowboarding...

Snowboarding is poetry. The previous statement is a metaphor. The previous statement is not... Snowboarding is like poetry: Done properly it is fluid, creative, expressive. It can be aggressive or peaceful. Watching someone from a heli-drop carve up untouched back-country snow inspires thoughts of Chinese caligraphy; Being awed by a daredevil doing incredible tricks in a terrain park is like visiting the circus. Snowboarding is a confluence of extremes: Somewhere between Circus and Caligraphy we find Snowboarding!